I was watching the Ellen season premiere today (we'll get to why in a moment), and Katy Perry (there it is!) was on the show. Near the end of the interview Ellen continues to tell Katy Perry how amazing she is. As I continue staring at her tits, trying to forget I'm watching the Ellen. The interview takes an interesting turn when Ellen announces that she is going to introduce Katy Perry's biggest fan. I find this oddly impossible as I am still sitting on the couch in my underwear, but I digress.
The camera pans out to by far, the least visually appealing chick in the audience, already covered in tears (and or sweat). I assume this is her cue to get her fat ass out of the aisle seat and finally meet her hero. She does just so, charging my future wife like that giant boulder in Indiana Jones. She finally reaches the stage. I then watch what it might be like if katy Perry were ever to hug a grizzly bear on national television. Ellen exits stage as it's already filled to capacity, and verging on breaking fire regulations.
The girl, almost unable to speak, (perhaps due to her jowls crushing what was once her vocal chords) manages to blurt out how much she adores Katy Perry, and how long she has wanted to meet her. Tears still flowing, she goes on to explain her reason for loving Katy and her music so much!
She explains that she knows how Katy feels when she writes and sings her songs, and that their lyrics transcend into her life.
Now I'm not claiming to know the names of more than one or two songs, and the only lyrics I remember are something about Popsicles melting. But Apparently this whole time Katy Perry hasn't been singing about sexy California girls, and getting liquored up in Vegas. No my friends, this whole time these songs have been all about teenage obesity, unhealthy obsessions, and celibacy.
God were we wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1HKD9mfJL8
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