How to keep a boyfriend!

I was pondering what exactly it is that women bitch about. After seconds of deliberation I of course realized the answer was everything and I moved on. This lead to thoughts pertaining to, what exactly girlfriend's get overly aggressive about. Could have been they've just located your 200 gig folder entitled "family pictures", that turned out to be not so family friendly. Or maybe they discovered a text from a cleverly camouflaged male sender that went something along the lines of "hey sexy, what are you up to tonight?". Perhaps it was even something as irrelevant as a picture comment on a social networking site, insinuating that any other female may find you attractive.

After a great many beers, and other enlightening substances I realized what every girlfriend is doing wrong, aside from constant lying, faking orgasms, making us visit family, making us watch Twilight, and overall just sucking the fun out of life.

That's right ladies this is it. The true way to get and keep a boyfriend!
It's very simple, all the things that piss you off about your boyfriend's interaction with other girls, replicate them. What I mean is do all the things that a slut trying to steal your boyfriend would do to entice him.
You find some naughty pictures in his phone starring some scantily clad women you may have seen at a party you both attended. First reaction, furious!

 Therein lies the problem ladies. Instead of taking it as a moment to make him wish he was dating the filthy, less than reputable slut in the picture, take it as a lesson learned. Why aren't you sending random photos of you with a cucumber in your vag, or for the less adventurous, maybe a sexy pose in some revealing lingerie. Either way sending one's boyfriend a random picture to pleasure his morning wood, maybe something along the lines of "thought you might like to wake up to this" would work perfectly.

You moronic women are letting these sluts and whores you hate so avidly, steal what is yours when all you have to do to defend against it is realize, if you can't beat em' (and you can't) join em'. Ignoring that these sluts are on to what the male psyche is all about will be the downfall of your relationship.

Unlike women, men know their sexual limitations, we realize it's not sexy to be waiting for you when you get home from work naked on your bed in a pile or roses playing with ourselves to Barry White. But having said that if girlfriend's were a little more sexually spontaneous more often maybe we wouldn't have to look elsewhere for all those things you just don't do.

In advertising you need to know your target market (who you are selling to) to understand what concepts and forms of marketing may entice them to purchase a product or service. It is no different when it comes to men and women. Men love sex, that is a fact. We think about it at least once every 60 seconds! We even have a 2.5% larger sexual pursuit area in our brain than women. So having all this knowledge to work with why don't you girlfriend's get it. We want what Ludarcis wants, "a lady in the street, and a freak in the bed". Hip-hop music has been telling you all for years how horny we are, not to mention all your pro feminist music that today elicits the same thoughts (Ke$ha you are a slut, but I still want a picture of you covered in my jizz).

All these signs point in the same direction! You are not slutty enough! I don't mean to act on the slut inside you all thats ready to burst out of you like an alien and fuck every one of his friends and acquaintances. I mean to act slutty in the way you interact with your boyfriend in sexual matters. Wake his ass up in the middle of the night to you sitting on his face. He's coming home from a shitty day at work, what would brighten up his evening more than seeing you ass up in his room, playing with yourself.

And last but certainly not least, is the fact that their are many sluts out there (because women make up like half the population) who will do all the things you refuse to because it's uncomfortable or just not your thing. Well here it is, if you don't swallow - that's not a blow job, and he WILL find that elsewhere. Won't let him have the ass, cool, some other filthy whore you may already know, WILL! Won't keep the ball gag in your mouth or the blindfold on? You can be assured some other tramp can fit that and his cock in her mouth simultaneously, with her eyes closed. We are sexual creatures, and creatures of habit. So ladies make it your habit to be a girlfriend that doesn't suck (not literally, we like that shit.)